strongvoice.

            ^{nothing is simple these days, it’s a lesson learned hard and fast but it still makes her worry to see his expression slip, to watch the emotions that play over his face. there’s only so much that talking to her can do, she worries.             ❝ you’re right, i’m sorry. i know it’s not that simple but i suppose i get so caught in thinking of you and the rest of the jedi as the brave heroes. it can’t be easy to have that sort of weight on your shoulders. ❞            padmé can’t fully grasp the pressure that he faces but she does understand EXPECTATION and the demand to be close to perfect.    ——   but she’s always been free, anakin hasn’t had the same.}

            ^{in retrospect, the sheer unlikeliness of the circumstances that had brought them together amazes her. they’d been queen and slave when they first met and in the end he had SAVED her and her people as only a child.}

            ^{the FORCE brought them together, then and now, and she doesn’t know what she’d done to fall so center to whatever story is being told.}

            ^{❝ maybe it’d be good if you spoke to someone NOT INVOLVED with the war effort. i’m always here to listen, but i understand if there are things that you might not WANT to talk about with the people you see regularly. there are senatorial councilors, they give complete discretion and it’s not uncommon for soldiers to need to speak with one. it might be good for you, ❞            she offers easily, gesturing outwards from the center of her chest. she makes a disgruntled noise at the idea that obi-wan is the only one to do with the success that the two of them have had, leaning into his chest more and giving a quite ‘tosh’ under her breath, smiling against his shoulder.}

            ^{they’re together now and that’s all that matters his fingers around her wrist just a smidgen too tight for comfort but she lets them be her anchor anyway. her face is calm, the same serene smile that she’ content to wear with him on her lips.}

            ^{❝ soon the war’ll be over and we’ll have time together. for now, we have three days. there’s a lot that we can do in three days, ❞            padmé promises, pulling back half way to lead him over to the couch in the center of her apartment and then gesturing for him to sit next to her.}

               THE HEART IN his chest is balanced between two ways: the love he has found with Padme && his duty as a Jedi Knight. Obligations that tear at him from either direction, forcing Anakin to choose when he’s never been afforded the chance to choose anything in his life — at least not of this personal magnitude. The choices made during battle strategy seem like child’s play in comparison to this. ❝ Don’t apologize. You know better than most people. ❞ Something dark flashes behind his eyes, another unnamed grievance he doesn’t attempt to extrapolate on, a sort of nostalgia lacquered by rage. 

     ❝ A counselor, ❞ he echoes tonelessly, shoulders edging up around his ears in defensive posturing. ❝ You think there’s something wrong with me. ❞ Anakin steps out of Padme’s embrace, suddenly set on pacing out the length of the room. He withdraws into solitary && characteristic bitterness, the shift in his emotions stirring restless legs. The change settles over his body, leaving its tracks in the hardened slant of muscles in his clenching jaw, the cleared angles of bone that stretch the skin of his tightly wound fist. 

     ❝ I don’t need to talk to anyone else— ❞ his voice climbs through the margins of desperation, the strain of it as tangible as a storm piling before a sea. ❝ I have the Chancellor, && you, && O—Obi-wan. ❞ He falters on his former master’s name, shame burning up inside his gut like a combustion engine set to blow. 

               When’s the last time he’d been truly honest with Obi-Wan? The strength of their bond once threatened the delicate sensibilities of the Council and the Jedi Code, but now they only seem to talk in passing, each conversation impeded on by the secrets neither man is willing to share && the war that drives them to separate ends of the galaxy more often than not. Somehow, over the last couple years, they’ve become strangers masquerading as friends who aren’t on the precipice of falling apart. 

               Anakin stops moving, eyes angled to the space between his boots as he seeks out some semblance of calm. But nothing about Anakin is ever truly calm, the wildness within him always tenuously present, despite his best efforts to contain it. ❝ Do you think there’s something wrong with me, Padme? ❞ His voice is soft, softer than it’s been in a long time.